Dear Dad

This is a memoir of my dad who breathed his last on 5th August,2024. When he was diagnosed with cancer around November last year, for some reason I knew this was coming. It has almost been 2 weeks and the reality is yet to sunk in for me. The multitude of texts received that evening was overwhelming as I was still trying to find my feet. One of them read,”But this I know, that Uncle is in a much better place. God took him back and we will meet him and all our loved ones in heaven” which made me question,

“Is this it?”

“Daddy, are you gone for real?”

“Am i supposed to cry my heart out?”

“How is one supposed to act in this situation?”

I cannot have spent the past 21 years of my life with a man like my father and not be broken to say goodbye. But then reality hits you – grief is forever. Our society largely acts on the thought of desolation fading over a definable time period. It’s partially true to some extent and it will take awhile for a lot of us to grasp the reality. Nevertheless, I too believe good times lie ahead and according to our Christian faith we will meet again,soon. I have to believe it.

Born into a humble, devout family with 11 siblings, my dad grew up in a small village called Hungpung (Manipur). Despite the hardships of making ends meet in their early days, he worked his way to become a well-educated, respected and accomplished individual. I guess it was the Tangkhul blood that drove him to achieve his dreams.

Professionally, a veteran banker and an incredible businessman: excellent with his consulting, visionary with his biz-strategies and financially wise. He was someone full of life and integrity in whatever he did: farming, career, community service, and most importantly as a father. He was the rock of our family. How I wished he was here right now to wrap his arms around us and tell us everything will be alright.

Beyond this, he was also socially very active—a respected figure in the community. A true mate, loved by all: trustworthy, loyal and ever-present. I had the honor of seeing him interact with his pals: be it the best of times or the worst. Merciful, empathetic and altruistic defined him best whose love for people was unconditional – one that is so deep it’s beyond comprehension and the way he genuinely cared for everyone as if they were his own family was a rare gift.

To think of all the lives he has touched through his work is simply staggering. Whenever they needed him or what they needed him for, he was there to that extreme – he changed lives. I can only hope to be as good as you were, but I will try.

The thing that stood out to me the most was everytime he preached Gospel. He loved Jesus, deeply. A God-fearing man who served the church and its ministries wholeheartedly, always generous with his tithes as he believed everything to be a gift from God and he had to give back to the community. The many beautiful ways, he served Lord and his belief in Him merely served as an example to me. His faith was just unquestionable.

The most recent yet intriguing memory of Daddy was making the Sign of the Cross minutes before his last. Wanting to be with God until your last breath when everything else you’ve worked for so hard in life is slowly fading away: his belief was just as strong and pristine as when he had everything. It was remarkable to witness such a purity with his actions and I only wish this transient phase draws my soul closer to God.

Talking about relationships, Dad and Mummy shared an unwavering love for each other. Their newly-wed pics still seems like it was yesterday: never happier than be with each other. They filled in each other’s gaps, making them a perfect duo. He showed me what is it like to be a good husband and a caring father. He proved it everytime by his actions. Besides, this constant companionship shared by them over these 24 years never ceased to inspire awe. During the last year and a half, how my mum served him speaks for itself. I learnt what true love is and what it means to be selfless. I noticed, and I will never give up loving Mummy like you did.

When I look back at our old photos, he was incredibly happy. To see him hold us boys when we were little with the brightest smile beaming on his face, I can say his life was as close to completion. He adored us, wholeheartedly and unconditionally. We had so much more to do together, to talk about, to answer my infinite questions, to experience – a lifetime of memories ahead of us. I couldn’t be more grateful for having embraced the role of your child and I will miss everything about you, Daddy.

The vivid memories of being dropped at school, crashing in at The Diners every weekend for the most amazing platter of chow,chatting with us about life,always being curious to know how our days went – all of it is etched in my heart. When I reminisce your smile, your voice, your hugs – I just want to let Atao know that he is loved just as much and I promise, I will always be there for him, to never let him feel alone and guide him as best as I can.

For the funeral service, I was asked to deliver an eulogy. Initially, I tried listening to some songs whose lyrics complemented my feelings to assist me with the write up while I pictured this perfect emotional speech in my head. The real struggle was figuring out what tone to use. How do you convey the ache of knowing that this is the last time you’ll speak of him? Do you go with a somber or a celebratory one ‘cause it wasn’t just for others to hear; it was a final conversation with my dad, a way to say goodbye.

In the final moments, I found myself retrospecting. Despite everything, the bond between us remains unbroken. The time we’ve spent together was limited yet the impact you have had on us is immeasurable. We will forever cherish those moments and continue living by the values you’ve ingrained in us.

Going back to Ukhrul was a surreal experience as it has been a decade since my last visit and this time it was monumental. We shed collective tears as the plane lifted off the runway. To think of all the memories we’ve soaked up everytime we visit home and the comfort of Daddy being around us – my heart bears heavy knowing this would be our last.

This feeling is still new to me to be honest. I don’t know if I should be crying more or I should just be content knowing that I had you as my father but I’m happy you were there at every major event of my life till now.

I promise to make you proud one day, to live my life that would make you smile and to be the man you have always wanted me to be. I’m glad you are now home, where you truly belong. It will take time to fill that space in my heart but I know the love and lessons you imparted in us will live on forever.

I will hold your example dearly to my heart, be there for mum, Atao and continue my journey. Until we meet again, Dad.